Friday, August 22, 2014

All In

I am currently sitting in the Dusseldorf airport, taking advantage of 30 minutes of free wifi. This airport is not particularly exciting, especially coming from my other connecting airport, Munich (free coffee and tea!). 

I happen to have sat down in a gate near my own that has a big picture of the Chicago skyline. It's God's reminder to me that that's where He wants me to be again and that He'll be with me there too.

I look forward to my sophomore year. So many times I've thought about how different it will be from my freshman year. I will get to hug my friends again, instead of coming in not knowing anyone. I am leaving Czech for the second time, which is ten times easier than the first time, because I know what I am going to on the other side. I know the blessings of Moody and I have favorite spots in Chicago to look forward to.

But of course, I will miss these hills.

And these walks.

My parents.

The rich history here.

The quaint houses that are tucked away in villages or perched on hillsides.

One of the things I prayed for when I arrived in Czech a month ago was that I would be able to integrate the two sides of my life. That I would be one person, with two places a part of me, instead of two different people in two different places. It's been tricky figuring out how to still connect fully to Czech while in Chicago and vice versa. After lots of thinking, praying, talking with my parents and friends, I feel so much more rooted again.

As I go back to Chicago, I want to follow my dad's advice: Lean in and engage completely. The more I lean into the Lord and depend on Him for strength (like I got to practice at Gull Lake), the more joy I will actually experience. If I am following Him completely, then I actually might have more energy doing something hard than I would if I did something easy all by myself.

I will live an integrated life. Combine my past with my present, be fully where the Lord wants me to be. But not by my own strength. Only by His grace and with His help.

It won't be easy. I tend to fear, to worry, to hold back and conserve energy for fear of running out. That never works out for me though. God's provision of "water" is a flowing river, mine is simply a cistern that will run out. May I know this running water of Jesus more this semester!

My flight leaves Europe in an hour, and soon I will be in yet another chapter. I guess I'll turn the page and see what happens next!

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